Did you know that bike polo is a relatively old sport? It’s been around for over 100 years. It’s true. I read it on the internet.

Now we don’t play the kind of polo that you’ll find here or here. These guys take this stuff a bit too seriously. Which isn’t to say that we don’t take polo seriously, we just have more fun. Yes that’s a challenge.

Witness this rules page. It is our opinion that too many rules makes fun into work and what’s the point of that? We’re here to play some polo, not argue over section 1, clause 4, paragraph 2, sentence 3. Bullshit.

The rules for polo should be simple.

Get a bike. Or show up and ride one of the bikes you see laying around. That’s what they’re there for.

Grab a mallet. Not mine though. Grab one of those shitty bent crutches over there. Unless Soren shows up with the new mallets he just made.

Drink fluids. Red Bull showed up last night (wtf right?) so that works somehow. I prefer cold cold beer. So does most everyone else. Red Bull doesn’t even have alcohol in it. They could at least have shown up with some vodka too right?

Eventually mallets will be divided and the game will begin. Mallet handles can be made of bamboo, crutches, ski poles, axe handles, or anything else long and skinny. Mallet heads typically are pvc or wood. Whatever. Get creative.

If your feet touch the ground, you must do a 360. None of that 270 bullshit I see Mess pulling alll the time.

The organizations linked above use a large ball for some reason. We find that a orange street hockey ball is the best for us. You can pick them up at any general sports store. The good ones have water in them.

Play to 3 or 5 points. Depending on who is playing this takes anywhere from 5 minutes to 20 minutes. If it gets too long the referee(anyone on the sidelines) may yell out beer point! signalling that the next goal is the last. We can only wait so long for your slow asses to score.

Scoring must be done with the narrow end of the mallet head. Not the broad side. An attempted goal with the broad side is called “shuffling.” It doesn’t count. Pass back to the key and try again.

That’s pretty much it.

If you don’t live in Seattle or Portland, start polo in your town. Spend a night in an empty parking lot with some friends riding bikes, building skills, drinking beer, bbq(duh), and play until everyone is tired or wasted. Summer was invented for this shit.


One thought on “Dabber!”

  1. Hey Jason,

    I wanted to know if you have a copy of the cranked issue #1. I would love to have that. I am supsribing today yah.
    Have a great day.
    Yvonne and the gang


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